I took this picture on the 23rd of July 2019. I was at the hospital trying to get my labour to speed up! I had been in early labour a week already and at the time I was so sure “today was the day”. It wasn’t the day.

I gave birth a week later on the 31st of July.

Before I snapped this pic I was in tears, trying to figure out why the contractions were coming in full swing, and still nothing was happening.

This was my third visit to the hospital, and I felt as if the walls of the rooms were closing in on me. I felt suffocated and lost and I just couldn’t understand why my labour was progressing at such a slow pace.

It was summer and the heat was unbearable that day. They say it was the hottest day of the year and I was stuck inside the hospital, praying for some relief.

The hospital had a little private garden where I decided to spend my morning and have my breakfast. So I waddled my way there – me and my tiny 8 and 1/2 month bump – to go get some fresh air. As I sat there sipping away at the most disgusting coffee ever, (after balling my eyes out that I just want something to happen, anything), I found myself drawn to the ladybird on the arm of my chair. It was just sitting there. Content. Happy with where it was. And I found myself drying up my eyes and smiling at the beauty of life. And laughing at how silly I was being.

I see now, in hindsight, that the 2 weeks I was in early labour, were just preparing me for active labour. My labour, I’m told by my midwife and birthing partners , went by super fast – Alhamdulillah for that.

For 2 weeks before I gave birth, I was in this sort of tizz as to why “the day hadn’t come”. Everyday I would wake up and be so sure of myself when I would tell everyone that “listen up, today is the day”

I look back on those days and laugh at myself. I was in such a rush to have my baby; I was tired of the waiting game, impatient. Instead of enjoying the journey, I was so desperate to reach the destination!

Now, 5 months later, I find myself back at the point where I feel lost. It’s already the year 2020 and I don’t know what will be coming this year and it terrifies me.

But I’ve come to the realisation, that patience is everything.

(I can hear my family say omg “finally”. Took you long enough)

Patience and Faith; Sabr and Tawakkul, –

That everything, everything is going to be just fine if I have that faith within. All I have to do is change my perspective.

I pray 2020 is a good year for us all ✨

Ameen

Peace,

Bibi Aysh x

P.S to all the mothers out there, new and old, share your birth stories in the comments below. I would love to read about your experiences too