What is the reason I grieve?
Last week marked the 2nd year to the heart-shattering pain my family and I experienced when we lost our nang, our gem, our Fae. Days have passed and now years are passing and still, those moments are etched forever in my mind.
I am grateful for them.
I cherish them.
I learned from them.
What exactly is it that I have learned?
I have learned God loves me. He is Al-Wadüd.
I have learned He, the Creator, will send many tests my way, and I may learn the lessons I am meant to.
Allow me to elaborate:
What is grief?
“It blinds you.
It deafens you.
It defeats you.”- the general answer.
Does it really? Or do we allow it to?
It kills you, yes, but only to give you life and true meaning.
It breaks you, yes, but only to build you back up; stronger, tougher, better.
It shatters you, yes, but only to piece you back together to shine brighter.
It tugs at your insides, yes, but only to harden them, giving you guts of steel.
It burns your mind, yes, but only to make it sharper, quicker.
It hurts your heart, YES!!! But only to make you love bigger and better!
It stains your soul, YES!!! But only to increase its sparkle!
It is hard, yes, but only because it was not meant to be easy.
It is what it is.
And what it is, is beautiful in itself.
It beautifies you.
It purifies you.
It recreates you.
Only if you allow it to.
Permit yourself to carry your grief as not a burden, but as a blessing.
Permit yourself to carry your grief as the most beautiful part of you and not the most ugliest.
It is not.
It is the reason you are who you are today. And who you are, is beautiful.
Because you are here, despite your trials. You are trying, despite your suffering. And your suffering has made you stronger.
I have learned that the hardest part of the process, is to not regress and to not forget.
To maintain these lessons.
To keep that which I have learned a
constant within my life.
Just as I do not let my Anxiety define me, I try to not let my grief define me. Yes I am grieving. Yes. I will carry on grieving. But it is not a burden for me. My test is my blessing.
Just like me, you may be grieving too.
As I said in my previous posts on Anxiety, the first step is Awareness, the next is Acceptance, the third is Treatment, and the final is the CURE.
You have taken the first step. And you may be currently struggling with the second.
However, know that Awareness and Treatment and a CURE are not separate of each other. They could occur in a sequence. Or they may very well be simultaneous.
I leave you, as my readers, fellow sufferers and my biggest supporters, with this prayer :
Bibi Aysh x