Relationships are mostly based on grand gestures. Whether it’s the first time he asks you on a date or when she tells you she loves you. Whether it’s a friend’s birthday or even welcoming a family member home. These moments are thought to be complete only when done with a grand gesture. Think about it for a moment; promposals, proposals, even gender reveals, birthdays, anniversaries and the list can go on and on. Relationships are not complete without these grand gestures. Why? Is it because we need something big and flashy to happen to be able to remember these events? Or have we, as humans, become so shallow that only flashy big gestures are acceptable?
I have nothing against gestures of love. I think they’re cute and my fiancé and I have had a few similar moments; though not on such a large scale as the norm for relationships. So, now his love is only acceptable as true love when he goes all out with the flowers and chocolates and balloons and makes sure everybody who is anybody knows that he went through so much trouble just for you. Or for that Instagram or Facebook post. Because if he didn’t have all the material stuff, how would you both post about it? How would you make sure the world knows exactly how in love and happy you are?
Do we really let these grand romantic gestures define our relationships with each other? Many aspects of our lives have become so superficial that it is very rare to find two people who are truly happy with each other. How many times do we hear ‘He is never romantic enough’ from the woman of the relationship? And how many times do we hear ‘she never appreciates the small things I do for her’ from the man? Too often.
Why have we let ourselves become dependent on material things we do not need and will not remember, to make the most memorable moments in our lives as public as we can, when they should be cherished for the small details and the smallest touch or smile, instead of how many roses we’re given or what fancy words are uttered? Why do our proposals and birthday greetings have to be made so public, when they should be some of the most private moments of our lives? Are we that insecure in our feelings for the people we love that we need to ensure other are made aware of them? Can we not express our love without making sure everyone knows about it? The answer to that is no.
In most cases, we find women being unhappy with their relationships because their significant other hasn’t made a grand romantic gesture in a while. The reason behind superficial friendships is which friend broadcasts her/his love the most. Our lives have started to revolve around making sure others know of our love instead of ensuring our loved ones actually feel that love.
I honestly think that relationships based on grand gestures are doomed from the start. Why? Because as time goes on, expectations of how we receive the love expressed by our loved ones are raised so high that even if the smallest thing they do could make all the difference we would not notice them. Why? We are looking for that ‘grand gesture’.
Surely, there must be reason behind all these expectations. Is it because it’s normal? No. It’s what is being portrayed in books and movies and by the media in general. Grand gestures are what we have been brainwashed to accept, and nothing else. It’s ‘All or nothing’.
We, as women, have been taught to accept nothing less than the grand romantic gesture. We, as men, have been taught that nothing other than the grand romantic gesture will be accepted.
I will use the example of The Bachelor/Bachelorette series. Every season ends with a grand proposal infront of millions of fans – mostly ladies – who sigh at the big diamond on her finger and the romance and love that oozes from between the couple. How many of those relationships survived? A handful at most. Why? Because it was built on romantic dates in the most exotic places and grand romantic gestures, and when the couples returned to their normal lives they found they had difficulty keeping the romance alive.
Personally, the small things are what matter. A single rose on a random day, just because he was thinking of you. A few pancakes for breakfast because you know he loves them. Freshly hand baked goodies, instead of a fancy cake made by a professional, because he wanted you to know how much you meant to him. A handwritten note slipped in front of the other because you want them to know how much you love them. That, my friends, is romance. Not a big flashy ring, or a bouquet of a hundred roses because ‘it’s her birthday and I have to get her something expensive’. No.
Live life appreciating every small gesture and you will be content. It’s the simple ones that count the most.
Share a few in the comments below. 🙂